19 Years

9,986,400 Minutes... That's How long It's been. At least In my life that's how long its been all together from start til now. I can admit I'm young, But I can honestly say I have the life experience of a man who's seen and heard it all. My birthday is approaching in the next few days, and unlike most people I can't say I'm even remotely happy or excited for it.. I haven't had a "fun" birthday in over 10 years. They've all been spent in Handcuffs, or hospital beds...I'm terrified of what this one brings... But that's enough of an intro... The last few weeks have been hectic from every aspect of my life and I'll admit it, even though I was always raised to never give up, and to keep fighting no matter what the obstacle I'm facing is.. I'm starting break down... the woman I love tells me she loves me but at the same time she tells me she cant be with only 1 person, how am I supposed to react to that? the constant fear of her leaving is eating away at me slowly. I can't handle this shit! I'm so sick of it. Don't walk into someones life and make them care if you plan on fucking WALKING OUT!! I act like an asshole around the outside world but that's for my protection... I'm still a person I HAVE FEELINGS GOD DAMN IT! I refuse to be treated like a second option in any way, shape, or form! I love you 'Babushka' I need you to know that, I also need you to know that When I said forever I meant especially that promise. Don't ruin what we have... SPIKE Idania How could you? I LOVED YOU LIKE THE MOTHER I NEVER HAD! How can you even do something like this? How do you make a child feel like he's your own and then abandon him? How could claim motherhood, then just send me away? You run around claiming sainthood, when in fact you're no better than the crooks I see everyday in the hood! You tell people I'm the bad guy when in fact you only took me in for the money and you're pissed because I put a stop to it! you deserve to be broke! I hope all the evil you do unto others comes around to you twice as hard! This blog wasn't a story it was my venting on everything I've been going through lately and I'll admit it my faith is weak and I don't know what I believe in anymore and I leave you with one question, "If God doesn't give you more than you can handle, when people commit suicide, is that them reaching their limit?"

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!

- Bill Maher