Paradise

"Soaring through paradise, when I'm closing my eyes"

People live their lives in complete obliviousness. we work and strive for something that cannot be achieved. Scholars have asked since the beginning of time, what is the meaning of life? the answer is in front of them. nobody wants to accept it though. we live in order to die. We for some reason can't grasp this concept. we strive all our lives for happiness, it'll never be achieved. anyone with half a brain will never be content because they are intelligent enough to see the problems. then the select few who are a step ahead of the crowd know they'll never be happy. i myself have given up the search for happiness i have come to understand that paradise only exist when one closes their eyes in death. then you're free. I've never died so i can't deny the existence of an afterlife. i also can't confirm it. I've been contemplating atheism though. I mean how can a "magic man" aka God who loves and takes care of everyone exist. i say every night crying begging him, praying for one thing. and what'd i get? nothing! he took it all. if he even exists! i am in love but the one i love continually and habitually mistreats me. when i need some one the most I'm standing alone. I was told that nobody ever wanted me an no one ever will. I'm starting to believe it. i mean why else do they all leave? I just wanna go somewhere and be alone. my thoughts swirl and become more chaotic each day. i contemplate suicide at least 5 times a day. but is that so weird? everybody has their time to go, maybe mine is at hand. i have never given up when it comes to anything...maybe now is my time to start? "things do come around and make sense eventually" that's what I'm told but some things still trouble me. i feel like a black cloud follows me around. i feel like i was disconnected from everyone else a long time ago. i don't laugh as much as i used to and half the time i do laugh I'm faking it.

then again I'm just another kid at the train station on his phone. nobody would ever think all this goes through my mind just by looking. we all right out internal wars within our thoughts and feelings. we all have our struggle. I want out. My paradise is in my death. Only then will I be free. Happiness is just an illusion created by the cruel and sad. "ignorance is bliss"