I don't even know what I'm doing if I'm being completely honest, I'm just out here doing the more of the same that everyone else is, I'm just adding to the cycle of pain. But I cant have what I want most, so why should I worry about the wants or needs of others? You'll just be another name on a list by the time were done, and from the way things have been these past few weeks I don't see our dance coming to an end anytime soon. I don't want to be attached to you but you grow on me as each day passes. I show up with an attitude as nasty as it is harsh and by the time I leave I'm playful and content I'd even go so far as to say its actually good for me. None of them have ever made me laugh or smile with them, I can honestly say that I've always been the one "trying" to improve the others mood but for once I feel that its symbiotic. The only problem is I'm toxic and I know it. I know I'd be no good for them. I'd simply corrupt her and I don't want that again. I chose to surround myself with demons and yet an angel still reached out to me and offered to save my soul.. They say sometimes the harder decision is the right one, life would go back to being bleak and colorless for me but she'd stay the way she is, She'd never have to tackle my problems and issues. I have to give her credit though she's gracefully handled every situation I've seen her in so far, so just maybe she really can do everything she says is possible. I can't lie when I'm around her even I start to believe her crazy delusions of grandeur between us. Like everything could be so simple. It makes me laugh... She makes me laugh. I've never wanted to keep something like this, at the least its exactly as I first told her when she asked what I was looking for and I told her, "something different". I want to keep it, or rather her.
Fucking weirdo, this ones for you.
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